Being Bobby Brown

Apparently, the new rage for television this summer is "Being Bobby Brown". You know, how Bravo or some other junior cable network occasionally strikes gold cause they had nothing to lose by putting on a nonsensical show in a non-crucial ratings wise summer, and running with it? If it wins, it wins big, and if it loses, who cares, no big loss. Kinda like "Queer Eye" was two summers ago. But anyhow, back to the cause celebre' of tv critics, random pundits, and other notable or not so notable talking craniums, Robert (Bobby) Beresford Brown.

To those who are not familiar with Brown beyond his marriage to Whitney Houston, or his publicized run ins with the law, the show is an entertaining look into the wild but strangely normal life of the noted "bad boy". (read: media created term, generally used to dub black guys, especially celebrities, who have ever received as much or as little as a parking citation). But to those of us who know of B. Brown on a somewhat deeper level (read: ahh nevermind, if this includes you, then you know i'm talking to you, and why i'm singling us out), the show is a complete disaster, exposing to the world, in classic blaxpliotative, buffooneric fashion the resulting shell of a guy who really once was the man. And it goes a lil something like this. Follow me.


New Edition was, and in some ways are, my heroes. At the very LEAST, they were my earliest, and most distinct models for coolness. Until I take my last breath, I will have an absolute and irrevocable soft place in my heart for Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Mike, Ralph and Johnny. Before NKOTB, NSYNC, Backstreet, B2K, and every other boy group with the sole exception of the Jackson 5 (and don't challenge me on this one, cause I know what I'm talking about) , there was New Edition. In my eyes, the boys from Roxbury changed the world. And I know that I am not the only one who believes as much.




While Ralph Tresvant sang lead more than the others, one can certainly make the argument that at the height of the group's popularity, Bobby Brown was the Reggie Jacksonian "straw that stir[ed] the drink". Bob had a tough guy charisma that the ladies loved, and the guys wanted to imitate. He was the man. When he went solo, he proved beyond a reasonable doubt that he was the man with the 1989's Don't Be Cruel. Has there ever been a better (not higher selling, but better) major label debut album from a solo pop artist? (note the interjection "major label", because Don't Be Cruel was actually Bob's second solo album). My Prerogative, Tenderoni, Don't be Cruel, Every Little Step, On Our Own, the list goes on. The album was a flat out masterpiece. Bobby was the first hip hop era king of R&B, plain and simple.

Recap: up to this point, we have our subject, Robert Brown, as both the leader in a seminal, wildly popular supergroup, and as a worldwide phenom as a solo artist. Moving on in our critique...

Against the backdrop of such past glory, the nineties were not as kind to Bob B. While 1992's "Bobby" album was good (Humpin Around, etc), it was not the uber-project that "Don't be Cruel" was. As these things have the tendency to do, Bobby's popularity waned througout the decade. To make a long and already familiar story short, Bobby married Whitney, who was one of the biggest stars of her time, the drugs began, a tumultuous marriage ensued, including wife beating, husband beatings, self beatings, and many court dates for Bob for a plethora of infractions from weed to speed, to countless dirty deeds.

Recap redux: Bobby Brown: supergroup frontman, to solo dynamo, to coke (and probably crack) addicted convict turned cultural punchline.

This is the man that we encounter on the Bravo show, Being Bobby Brown. Given the above mentioned facts, to those of use who once and somewhat always will love Bob, this is a hard to watch, tragic comedy. Thankfully, my bar studies precented me from catching each of the episodes in their painful proper sequence, but I did make time to see the premiere, and I have seen random segments since. In assessing what I have seen, I concede that the show produces laughs. However, the majority, (people who never new BB other than as a common jackass) laughs because they see a funny display of comedic stylings provided by a wacky celebrity couple. I laugh to keep from crying. Yeah, it's that bad.

Untitled...

People find peace and happiness in the strangest of places. I have been fortunate enough to find it a few times. Most recently from hanging out in a stucco house on the Mexico-Texas-New Mexico border, in the form of a couple from Calhoun County, who in their day have shown the way to somewhere between 67 and 89 different kids, me among them. (Sorry, I lost count at 63). So here’s to good people with graying hair, stories to share, food to spare, and lots of love to give. And here’s to Missy and Michael, and all the lovers down in Cooper Homes.

Some Say Atlanta...

Man…you are tough to get at. Tough to understand. But I kinda dig it. I guess that I really couldn’t have expected much more than what I got. That is not to say that anything was wrong with the response, cause there surely wasn’t. And I didn’t expect anything more, based on our past interactions (not to mention the fact that it looks as though our two roads have now permanently diverged into the proverbial yellow wood.) But nonetheless, you are somewhat of an enigma to me; a fantastic mystery if you will. Now it’s up to me to decide if it is worth it to keep trying. That question is not so easy to decide. There are several different combinations of variables in my head. It’s a quintessential high risk-high reward situation. But, predictably, I will fall victim to the Carterian “allure of the game”, and the choice will not be so hard at all. I enjoy a challenge far too much to abandon the mission.

THE RECAP Part II: JUDGMENT DAY(S)

Woke up at 6AM on Tuesday morning, feeling pretty good about my prospects for passing the bar. I popped in the DVD and watched the best scene from my favorite movie, Glory.

Prayer Circle as the Massachusetts 54th prepares for their final battle of the Civil War. Campfire burns in the midnight air, each soldier singing in unison

Soldiers: “Oh my Loooord, Lord, Lord, Lord…mmmmhhmmmmmm….”
Morgan Freeman: “ If tomorrow should be our great getting up morning, if tomorrow we should have to face the judgment day, let our families know that we went out fightin men…let em know that we went down standing up!”
Soldiers: “Oh my Loooord, Lord, Lord, Lord…mmmmhhmmmmmm….”
Denzel Washington: “ Don’t too much matter what happen tomorrow, cause we men. We men, ain’t we?
Soldiers: “Oh my Loooord, Lord, Lord, Lord…mmmmhhmmmmmm….”

Great Scene. And with that, I was ready. Something in the back of my head kept telling me to review the brief Family Law outline even though I was playing the odds. (See THE RECAP Part I). I gave in, and spent about 30 minutes reviewing the topic, concentrating on maintenance awards and child custody issues. Alright, NOW I’m ready.

Got to the Capitol Plaza, Jefferson City. The lobby was buzzing. With folks getting ready to do the same thing I was. Sea of white, with their sweats and tees shouting out their schools (none as good as mine). Patch of brown in the corner. Them with theirs, us with ours. Even on our biggest day, ain’t nothing changed.

After long instructions, we are underway. Morning session: four Missouri essays at 30 minutes each, then a multistate practice essay at 90 minutes. And we’re off

Essay 1: Administrative Law

I had just reviewed admin the previous weekend, and pretty thoroughly I might add, so this wasn’t too bad. Why is everybody in the widget business? And what the heck is a widget any-dang-way? Four questions to the essay. Notice and comment, rulemaking procedures, and a little delegatory authority issue, and the thirty minutes are over before I know it. I feel good.
ATTICUS: 1, BAR EXAMINERS: 0

Essay 2: Family Law

Ain’t this about a bitch. The one out of ten chance comes to life. Damn. (See: THE RECAP Part I). Well, lets give it the ol’ A&M try…OH HELL NAW…this question isn’t even about the family law topics that I did briefly review…this shit is asking about the dispensation of property according to the transmutation theory, and then do it again based on the source of funds theory. Atticus takes a real bad beating. Real bad.
ATTICUS: 1, BAR EXAMINERS: 1

Essay 3: Missouri Civil Practice

Not too bad here, nothing too serious. Date of filing v. date of service issue; of course date of filing controls. This seems kinda easy, unless I’m missing something here. Oh, here it is, statute of limitations issue. Good stuff, almost missed that one. I regain the lead.
ATTICUS: 2, BAR EXAMINERS: 1

Essay 4: Conflicts of Law

Studied this area comprehensively. Missouri is a most significant relationship state; I’ve been all over this from the beginning. Knocked it outta the yard. These Missouri essays weren’t so big and bad.
ATTICUS: 3. BAR EXAMINERS: 1

Multistate Performance Test

This was pretty straightforward, free points for the taking. I clean house.
ATTICUS: 4, BAR EXAMINERS: 1

Lunch break. If this were a marquee boxing match on HBO, Harold Lederman would break in now and say something like this:

HL: “Okay Jim, I got it like this: Young Atticus four rounds, Missouri Board of Bar Examiners one round. Lemme tell ya something Jim, Young Atticus has looked sharp and he has absolutely dictated the course of this fight. His jab is sharp, and he is outpointing the Board at will, just beating them to the punch, with the exception of that disastrous second round, when Atticus got hit with two, count em two standing eight counts. But Jim, that round was an anomaly, cause we saw Atticus completely abandon his fight plan. But I don’t expect to see that kinda round again, and Atticus should be able to cruise to victory in this fight.”

Jim Lampley: “Thanks Harold, that seems to be the way that I see it as well, what about you two?”

Roy Jones: “Uh…well Jim, it is clear that Atticus is ahead on the judges cards, but I tell you, the Board is still verrry dangerous, cause Atticus ain’t really done a whole lot of devastating damage to the Board, even though he has outpointed the Board. If the Board can catch another big round like it did in round two, then Atticus will be in big trouble.”

Larry Merchant: “Jim…it looks as though…there is a coronation on the horizon…and Young Atticus is set to become the reigning king in his division…if indeed he can refrain from imitating Young Icarus, and resist the ever growing temptation to thrown caution to the wind…that has befallen so many neophyte warriors before him…”

JL: “Uh…thanks…Larry… back to the action!”

Lunch break over, let’s get back to the festivities. Six afternoon essays, three hours, thirty minutes per essay.

Essay 1: Wills

A few weeks before the test, I was the wills master. In fact, I got a great score on the wills practice essay graded by the examiners. But I haven’t looked at it in a few weeks, so a lot of good that does me now. I get a good amount of the problem, and I get touched on a good amount of it. This one could go wither way, but I think that I got em. Round scored a draw.
ATTICUS: 4.5, BAR EXAMINERS: 1.5

Essay 2: Corporations

Killed this one. Novations and promoter liability. Corporation by estoppel. Young Atticus rolls.
ATTICUS 5.5, BAR EXAMINERS: 1.5

Essay 3: Equity

Thought I killed this one, until afterwards, I realized that there were some things that I could have included, one of which was extremely basic. I think that I still win this round by giving a good discussion of preliminary injunctions, TROs, and when equity is feasible. Good. Not great showing, but good takes the day.
ATTICUS: 6.5, BAR EXAMINERS: 1.5

Essay 4: Secured Transactions

I read this last night, so I think that I can handle this. I get off a respectable amount, but in reviewing the questions with others, I realize I got touched up. Didn’t include all the proper procedures for foreclosure of collateral. Good faith effort by me, but they got me this time.
ATTICUS: 6.5, BAR EXAMINERS: 2.5

Essay 5: Commercial Paper

Checks and such. But this one is a note. I verbally vomit on the page; just put everything I know. Throw it all against the wall, and hope something sticks. My conclusions here may be wrong, but I think that I justified it somewhat respectably. Still, I know that they got me here. Got me with the whole partial payment thing.
ATTICUS: 6.5, BAR EXAMINERS: 3.5

Roy Jones: "See Jim! I told you Jim! The Board of Bar Examiners is still vurrrrry dangerous, and Atticus can still lose this fight! You can never count a man out Jim, 'specially not a vet'ran with as many tricks up in his sleeve as the Board got!"

Jim Lampley: "You are right Roy, and Young Atticus is in a world of trouble entering this eleventh and final round! This one may have to go to the scorecards!"

Essay 6: Trusts

Like wills, I was once the master of all I surveyed when it came to trusts. That does me not much good now, as I haven’t looked at it in a few weeks, and they are asking about some pretty specific nuances. This almost looks like a wills/trusts hybrid. Man, this sucks. I put up a decent fight, but they beat me to the punch and win the round.
ATTICUS 6.5, BAR EXAMINERS: 4.5

At the end of day one, it’s not he decisive victory for me that I thought it would be. But all things considered, I think that I came out on top. There was only one time that I was completely lost, and I think that I may have gotten a point or two on that one. So, I won the day overall, but there is another day coming, and to say the least, my strong points are now behind me.

DAY TWO
MULTISTATE BAR EXAMINATION

Day two: 200 multiple choice questions. Three hours per hundred questions. Seven topics evenly distributed: property, torts, criminal law, criminal procedure, evidence, constitutional law, and contracts. I know that I need 118-120 to get it done. I think that on this one, I got the same 57-59% that I always get. Felt no better, and thankfully, no worse about this one. Afterward, my buddy Terbell gave me a refreshing breakdown, and I hope my score follows suit. It goes like this:

If anyone off the street, picking at random took the test they would get 50 right.
50
There were at least 100 which could be narrowed down to two reasonable and debatable answers. Odds are I got half of those right, giving me 50.
100
There were probably ten gimmes.
110.
And ten that I had probably seen before, to know what the deal was with them.
120.
I know that this is faulty reasoning, but hey, I’ll take that too. Gracias, Fuser.

ENDGAME
I walk out of the MBE dazed and confused, but happy that it’s over, and with abiding faith that I found success. Two stiff Hennesseys with just a splash of Coke in each, and it’s done. Content, the kid exits into the mid-Missouri heat. Game over. Mission complete. Bar passed.

THE RECAP Part I: THE BUILDUP

THE RECAP Part I: THE BUILDUP

Twas the summer of our collective discontent. (At least two-thirds of it was). As for the remaining one third, Summer I’ll make it up to you, baby. I know you miss me so far, cause we go back like red states and NASCAR.

But, for now, following is a rambling recap of the epic battle between yours truly, Young Atticus, and the biannual beast created by the evil synergy of the Missouri Board of Law Examiners and the National Conference of Bar Examiners. Certainly this was the one, and only focus of my summer, and ergo my life until it was completed.
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I have had some huge fights before, but this was without a doubt the biggest bout of my career, and definitely my first career title shot. I knew the gravity of it coming in.
I trained uncharacteristically hard for this bout. For almost two full months, I lived a chaste, very spartan life of academic preparation and study, only breaking to attend worship services and chat briefly with fellow barristers in training who were preparing for similar bouts. As the fight days drew near, my training regimen faltered a bit as I found myself burned out from my maniacal, even excessive preparation. After a 36 hour pause for regrouping in mid July, I regained my stamina and went into the title bout as strong as ever.

I pulled about nine consecutive all night study sessions at Washington University on the nights leading up to the fight. I actually went pretty hard; surprised myself even. I went at it super tough, and I was ready.

On Monday afternoon, the day before the test, I planned to spend the day doing the last essay topic that I wasn’t yet familiar with, secured transactions. I reviewed the topic, and surprisingly, it was not as dense and daunting as I thought it would be, which is why I had avoided it until then. Early evening intense prayer session with fellow barristers set to go to battle the next day. I knew that I had to get a decent night’s sleep, so I ordered a pizza, and tucked it in at about midnight, which I remembered thinking was he earliest that I had been to bed in months. Lights out.

Seven minutes into sleep…OH SHIT. I haven’t reviewed FAMILY LAW. At all. Since class. And in class, we were just filling in the blanks to review later. So basically, I don’t know family law, and it WILL be on the bar. Seven hours from now. Family law is second most frequent on the frequency chart. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Doesn’t matter now, I just have gotta do it. But, I have to go to sleep or I will literally be staggering through the test in the morning. Wait…we have a 1.5 hour lunch break, and I already know what three of the four morning essays will be. Therefore, there is a one in ten chance that Family Law will show up in the morning. I’ll take those odds. I’ll review it at lunch.